Back to LIFE back to REALITY!!!
Aug 5, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxBpZpnv1FU

good morning it's Monday
fresh week whoa
I am actually on my way to counseling we
had to readjust my times a little bit
because Ollie works on Mondays now so we
didn't before have to like really it
address our adjust anything but now that
he's working we just have to just adjust
it a little bit so I'm going an hour
earlier than normal so that I can get my
counseling him because I don't want to
give up my counseling like my counseling
is my everything you know so yeah she
was willing to work with me all he was
willing to adjust his work schedule so I
could still go so that was nice and yeah
anywho I hope everybody had a really
good weekend I really did I again I'm
learning to adjust to all he working you
know outside of the house like he's
worked because he's owned his own
business but
owning owning your own job or your
business is one thing because you
control your schedule you control when
you go to work when you you know get off
and your home the majority of the time
and now that he is working outside the
home he has to work on a schedule so
it's nice though because it's given
routine to all of it okay
well that was exciting we went over a
little bit but it's all right um she
didn't have anybody after me so that was
kind of nice to be able to I haven't
been able to see her for two weeks so a
lot has happened in those two weeks
since I have seen her but anyways it was
a wonderful wonderful session you know
the thing is is that I'm learning a lot
about working with my mental health and
my health in general physical health
mental health emotional health and
everything and one of the things that
you know we had discussed and I had made
a comment about it but I didn't go into
detail about it lately is that I have
recent recently stopped talking to my
mom and there's a lot to it that I don't
really want to get into why that is what
it is but it was a very toxic
relationship that we had although I
wanted it to be so much more and I
desired it to be much more and I think
that that is normal for anybody that is
having a relationship with their parent
I think we all
a certain type of relationship but when
it is a relationship that is affecting
your mental health you really have to
make that decision if it's a
relationship that is needed or if it's a
relationship that might be holding you
back from you know healing and things
and that's kind of where I was at and
still am at and why I chose and I have
chose to you know to close off that
relationship with her and you know like
I said there's a lot in the background
that I don't feel as needed to be talked
about but you know it's an adjustment of
course I think because everybody wants a
relationship with their their parent
however with like my dad my dad's dead
he died when I was eight months old and
my mom has pretty much of an absent
majority of my life she has been absent
I mean she spent 17 and a half almost 18
years actually in prison and the other
amount she was absent because she was
just absent you know whether it be when
I was in custody with her you know she
wasn't there you know we took care of
ourselves me and my brother so it's
never been
a relationship that we have had and so
we never have had a true mother-daughter
connected relationship and you know as
things have been progressing through the
the years that she's been out of prison
that we've been able to have our
relationship it's not been the best you
know it really has not been the best of
the relationships and so I finally had
to bite the bullet and be like you know
what I'm done like I'm not gonna keep
putting myself out there so that I get
hurt more and more it just can't happen
so yeah that's what we talked about
today was just ending that relationship
with someone that I wanted a
relationship so bad with is now a
relationship that I have to just grieve
and accept that it's never gonna be what
I wanted it to be and that's okay but if
it's just going to continue to be a
toxic relationship then that also is
something that I don't need because I am
working so hard on being a better person
and being a better me that the only way
I can do that is getting the toxic
relationships out that just are not
going to bring
the best out of me so that's what my
accounts lease I should it's pretty much
about and plus updating her that Holly
got a choppa ho and he's working and
things are looking up for us you know
they are they are looking up for us boy
there's a lot of traffic goodness
it's 2:30
there's much truth ick
anyways so yeah but I'm going to go home
now it's 1024 I'm going to eat some
breakfast I haven't eaten - it's a
breakfast drink some tea and get my
kiddos up the house is clean because it
just blew me yesterday so we've got to
wake up to a nice clean house and that
is a great feeling and then I'm going to
do a workout and I think the incentive I
don't think there's really anything I
thought about going in the tire fixed go
in and dropping it off excuse me going
to getting it dropped off because well
we found the source of reason why it has
a flat tires because the no I think I
said that earlier
so we're gonna have to get it patched
and taken care of so anyhow well I think
I'm going to close here you guys but I
hope everybody has a wonderful wonderful
Monday I hope today was not too worried
too boring it was just kind of a chit
chat video but there's days where it's
just a little bit of chit chat but
anywho all right well I'm in a closed
because I'm almost at my house and I
know once I go in the kids love coming
to the door and so and all he's gotta
run out the door because he's gotta get
to work and the traffic is bad so he
really is gonna have to get out the door
hopefully he's already ready he has to
wear suits to work so hopefully he's red
tee when he gets there or when I get
there but anyways all right I'm going to
close you guys have a wonderful day and
I will check it with you soon
[Music]
